The content of this blog concerns ABC's countdown to the 25 days of Christmas.
As I drink my vanilla latte and cringe at this month's New Yorker cartoons, the following thought comes to me: Thanksgiving is the middle child of wintery holidays.
Halloween gets its gory glory just as the fallen leaves of fall make way for a carpet of Christmas pine. But what of Thanksgiving? Yes, there's the football games and the day of giving thanks by taking in as much cranberry sauce as humanly possible but could it be that Thanksgiving is being forgotten completely? No, absolutely not, that's impossible, it's an all American holiday. In fact, it's one of the only true American AMERICAN holidays, it reminds us of our core values of coming together as a community and put aside our monetary woes for a peaceful celebration of affordable food. It is a democratic holiday about combating our dark history with a prospect of a bright future. Nothing is more American than Thanksgiving.
Except Christmas.
Now to get it out of the way, I love Christmas. Some of my fondest childhood memories concern Christmas and the bated-breath before opening a colorfully packaged surprise. It is a great holiday, peace on Earth, noel and all that jazz. But seriously, Christmas needs to stop.
I'm not against Christmas because it is a Christian holiday [so put down your war shield, Bill O'Reilly], and I'm not against Christmas because it is actually the date of a Pagan holy-day [Bill, what did I say about that war shield!]. I am against Christmas because it has hijacked November and has shafted Thanksgiving with that party-popper thing that never actually really pops.
Cutting to the chase:
Television network ABC Family has begun advertising its countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas. At first I thought "Oh, yeah, the 25 days of Christmas! Granted the 13 Days of Halloween was a bit weak this year but okay, I love that countdown of classic movies and made for television embarrassment that, for any other holiday, would be absolutely mocked. But that's the accepting, gaudy nature of Christmas!" But as I was about to go online and order my fatty bucket of three-flavor popcorn, I glanced at the proposed date of said programming. Traditionally, the 25 Days of Christmas starts on December 1 and ends December 25, thus constituting 25 days. But this programming was to start on the 19th of November.
Now hold on a second. And by second I mean half a month.
ABC Family is proposing a 12-day countdown that will lead up to the 25-day countdown to Christmas. Holiday politics aside, a countdown to a countdown? Really? DC comics would not even touch that trick, at least there is some sort of crisis at the end of the countdown that we can look forward to. I know people love Christmas but how riled up can folk get about the countdown to the actual countdown. And how big is ABC Family's Christmas cache that they can afford two Christmas countdowns?
But my qualm has little to do with countdowns or other intangible attempts at gathering advertising money. Or the religious presence that we overlook because, come on folks, no one is going to be converted either way when Tim Allen puts on a fat suit. My issue with the premature red and green tissue is that Thanksgiving occurs on the 27th... 8 days into the countdown to the countdown to Christmas.
Woah, what? A countdown to a countdown after Thanksgiving... okay, I would accept that. I would accept the numerical value in establishing two countdowns so one could encompass the entire month of December but this is too far. This is just too far.
Thanksgiving is being completely overlooked with rehashed Christmas specials of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and "Holiday in Handcuffs", a charming tale about "a struggling artist working as waitress kidnaps one of her customers to bring home and meet her parents at Christmas", according to IMDB. Melissa Joan Hart... Melissa, Melissa, Melissa...
All bitterness aside in accordance with the holiday spirit, I am looking forward to the 25 Days of Christmas and all of its tinsel glory. But Thanksgiving being overseen by "Holiday in Handcuffs"? A countdown to a countdown? Oh, my final thoughts are not going to be pleasant...
Final thoughts
So as I hold my mug up in the blistery cold city and search for one more grain of espresso to get me through tonight's midterm paper, the following thought comes to me: who gives a fuck about ABC Family anyhow?
Thank you for your consideration and stay warm
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